Oh, his father gives me the creeps! What a strange and disturbing dynamic between father and son.
The dialogue sounded a tad stilted to me, but that could be because you didn't use any contractions. I wasn't sure if there was a reason for that, or if you just hadn't edited them in yet. Either way, just thought I'd point it out in case it helped. :)
I think the premise of your teaer was super interesting--I'm very curious to learn more about this whacked out family, and the poor girl!
I see that everyone was creeped out by the Dad! That's awesome...makes people root for Jefferson killing him LOL! Great Snip and you know I love the concept of this story! :)
Oh, his father gives me the creeps! What a strange and disturbing dynamic between father and son.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue sounded a tad stilted to me, but that could be because you didn't use any contractions. I wasn't sure if there was a reason for that, or if you just hadn't edited them in yet. Either way, just thought I'd point it out in case it helped. :)
I think the premise of your teaer was super interesting--I'm very curious to learn more about this whacked out family, and the poor girl!
I have to agree that the father was creepy!
ReplyDeleteWow, kind of reminds me of Cormac McCarthy's writings. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI see that everyone was creeped out by the Dad! That's awesome...makes people root for Jefferson killing him LOL! Great Snip and you know I love the concept of this story! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone saying that the father is really creepy...and I'm interested in that girl...
ReplyDeleteI want to find out what happens next!