Oh, his father gives me the creeps! What a strange and disturbing dynamic between father and son.The dialogue sounded a tad stilted to me, but that could be because you didn't use any contractions. I wasn't sure if there was a reason for that, or if you just hadn't edited them in yet. Either way, just thought I'd point it out in case it helped. :)I think the premise of your teaer was super interesting--I'm very curious to learn more about this whacked out family, and the poor girl!
I have to agree that the father was creepy!
Wow, kind of reminds me of Cormac McCarthy's writings. Good job!
I see that everyone was creeped out by the Dad! That's awesome...makes people root for Jefferson killing him LOL! Great Snip and you know I love the concept of this story! :)
I agree with everyone saying that the father is really creepy...and I'm interested in that girl...I want to find out what happens next!