Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Deleted...served its purpose :)


  1. Oh, his father gives me the creeps! What a strange and disturbing dynamic between father and son.

    The dialogue sounded a tad stilted to me, but that could be because you didn't use any contractions. I wasn't sure if there was a reason for that, or if you just hadn't edited them in yet. Either way, just thought I'd point it out in case it helped. :)

    I think the premise of your teaer was super interesting--I'm very curious to learn more about this whacked out family, and the poor girl!

  2. I have to agree that the father was creepy!

  3. Wow, kind of reminds me of Cormac McCarthy's writings. Good job!

  4. I see that everyone was creeped out by the Dad! That's awesome...makes people root for Jefferson killing him LOL! Great Snip and you know I love the concept of this story! :)

  5. I agree with everyone saying that the father is really creepy...and I'm interested in that girl...

    I want to find out what happens next!


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